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How We Breathe (Read 223 times)
vicks
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what makes you different,makes
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How We Breathe
Jan 31st, 2010 at 4:57am
 
it’s how we float against these waves
its how we swim through the river
its how we breathe underwater

it’s how your golden strands of hair
stay suspended in the blue
around the clouds in your head
it’s how we sink into each other
keeping our fingers intertwined
it’s how our hands glimmer
it’s how the moon shimmers on these waves
while they kiss the sand

it’s how we breathe underwater

t’s how we fight for every breath
when our lips are locked together
it’s how our feet never touch the ground
it’s how your eyes sparkle in this crystal ball
it’s how reality slips from our grasp
and our hearts beat when clasped together
while we vanish in this soundless timeless world
and nothing else matters

it’s how we breathe underwater

it’s how I melt into you
it’s how our tears slip quietly into the ocean
it’s how we choose to be
it’s how our souls are finally free
it’s how the fear ends
it’s how the past becomes history
the future a possibility
it’s how our dreams turn to reality
and our memories are nothing
but a forgotten symphony

it’s how we breathe underwater

it's how we tremble when our bodies collide
it’s how the moonlight dances in the water
it’s how your soft arms coil around my neck
its how you breathe warmth into my soul
its how we move together in slow motion
it's how we slip silently into this endless moment

it’s how we breathe underwater

it’s how we breathe underwater
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Death isn't so unreal after all.
 
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poemblaze
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Re: How We Breathe
Reply #1 - Jan 31st, 2010 at 5:04am
 
I really enjoyed this poem.  The repetition works well.  The rhythm of the lines, the cascade of images: "it's how your golden strands of hair/stay suspended in the blue" is an excellent visual, and the strong imagery is consistent through most of the poem. 

The only stanza I think doesn't quite measure up is the one that starts "it's how I melt into you". In that stanza the sentences are a lot more vague and don't give us anything to look at.  I think you can find a way to say those things about possibility and dreams and memory by showing us metaphorically, with images, instead of just stating the concepts.

A great poem, and I think with that stanza reworked, it would make a phenomenal poem.
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« Last Edit: Jan 31st, 2010 at 5:05am by poemblaze »  
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gurkski
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Re: How We Breathe
Reply #2 - Jan 31st, 2010 at 9:07am
 
Thanks a lot for that one, vicks

sweet sweet stuff


Good night
Serge
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Comme tu dois souffrir, pauvre âme!
Rien n'est plus doux que cette flamme!
(Paul Verlaine)
WWW bob.gurkski Serge Gurkski bob.gurkski  
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Cory Raymond
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Re: How We Breathe
Reply #3 - Jan 31st, 2010 at 9:15am
 
Wow, great poem! I can almost remember what it was like to be young and passionately in love!
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I've written some poetry I don't understand myself ~ Carl Sandburg
 
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vicks
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what makes you different,makes
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Re: How We Breathe
Reply #4 - Feb 2nd, 2010 at 11:33am
 
Thanks guys!
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Rashid Osmani
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Re: How We Breathe
Reply #5 - Feb 3rd, 2010 at 10:43am
 
Vicks,
You obviously had a great time!
I did too - just reading.
Tell me if there is a hidden meaning behind the refrain
it’s how we breathe underwater
other than literal/obvious?
Rashid
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