So today begins like this -- woke up to a little wiggly giggly girlie heaving herself wayyyy up onto my bed stage whispering the following phrase: Im gonna getcha mumma....Im gonna getcha RIGHT in the tickle spot and you're gonna laugh......and Im gonna RUUUUUNNNNNNN!" as she proceeds to tickle me right in that crazy spot on the neck which, when tickled, makes you contort and squint and make gagging sounds as if you're having some sort of weird seizure. Squinting and contorting aside, I then leapt out of bed and RAN down the hall at full speed after the nefarious little midget who was shrieking like a banshee, running full tilt away from me..... I caught her and gave her a level 5 kiss attack until she gave up all her secrets and begged for mercy (translation = she was unimpressed and informed me that I was a pathetic opponent who only "won" because she let me and what was for breakfast anyway?

Trotting down the stairs she then casually informed me that she was going to go look in the fridge to see if her frog was still alive.......

errrrmmmm 'scuse me?!?!?! :wtf:

"Yes mom....Ribbity....I couldnt decide where to put him last night and i thought he'd like it in the fridge because it was cool and dark....also, I was getting a drink when you told me time for bed, so i just shoved him in there next to the lemonade......what? why do you have that look on your face?"

Another full speed run through the living room and I find myself grasping the handle of the fridge, head bowed counting to 10 hoping against hope that my child was having one over on me and that there was not, in fact, a fucking frog icking up my fridge......


and yet there was.

Hello Ribbity you living petrie dish of disease and pestilence, may you burn in eternal froggy hell for sliming all over my veggies and leftovers, rubbing up on my cheese and oh good God you found the wine you little bastard.....

So then, as I'm holding Ribbity the renegade wine swilling frog in one hand and a wad of paper towels in the other, I walk over to the front door to heave the little amphibious drunkard out into my flower garden and I put my right foot squarely into something cold and wet and slimey. Of course it was cat puke. Of course I was barefoot. Of course......

I momentarily consider keeping the frog and heaving the cat out the door, after all the frog has proven he can be quite happily maintained in a small dark area that he cannot escape from, while the fat bastard cat is now just looking at me with this expression of lazy haughtiness which clearly communicates "That's right bitch, you'll clean it, you'll clean it and you wont complain because you KNOW why I did it, you KNOW I horked up that hairball of doom just special for you because you bought me the WRONG crunchy treats. Obviously this is all your fault you crappy little human".

I snarl at him. He shows me his ass. A truce is reached.

I clean up the hairball, rinse the frog slime off everything in the fridge, throw away what cannot be rinsed, wash my hands, get breakfast for the happy little midget who started this chain reaction of insanity then practically HURL myself into the shower.

Just as Ive got a good steam going, I hear a little voice from behind the door shouting "Mama? Mamaaaa?!?!"

"What?"

"Be careful! I put Ribbity's girlfriend Hoppity in the tub!"

>Squish<

Sigh.....of course you did honey

aww poor hoppity!

very funny (as a ) read!  ,-)

You must have some patience. Cute and fun read. Quite a little midget you have, enjoyed the haiku she wrote a while back.