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Heartafire Majestic Poet Online Ballet was all about the tutu Posts: 2133 Gender: \|	Almond Jul 31^st, 2010 at 7:30pm The picture in the album looks back at me. Without it I might forget. Almond eyes that smile, a little girl who clings, to the obi flowing from a silken dress. She is there, soft as velvet petals, fragrant as blossoms tucked into my hair Tears fill and softly spill, from the almond eyes she gifted. Weeping soft, she will not know.
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HaveYouSeenYourDreams2010

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as peaches."

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Lord Major's Walk, York
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Re: Almond
Reply #1 - Jul 31^st, 2010 at 7:43pm

Slow burner of a start here, but from about,

"who clings,
to the obi
flowing from
a silken dress,"

onwards I love how the images and the emotions of the narrator crash across the face of the reader as if they are there looking over the N's shoulder at the photo album.

For some reason when I saw the title I though this was going to be about Almond and chocolate cake, this however is a more satisfying read, unless you have a cake related almond poem up your sleeve?

Syd

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"I don't mind being shot, I just don't dig being told about it." Bob Dylan

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mango Global Moderator Offline Posts: 887 Gender: \|	Re: Almond Reply #2 - Jul 31^st, 2010 at 8:52pm I enjoyed this very much. The images you created in this minimalist piece of writing were vivid. Beautifully written Andrew
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Cory Raymond

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Re: Almond
Reply #3 - Aug 1^st, 2010 at 5:40am

Hi Sandy,

This is a very sad and lovely tribute to your mother. My only nit is that I don't care for the word "gifted" as a verb. Maybe it's just me, but I think "gave me" would be more personal and work better.

Other than that, I love this. As I mentioned in my comment on Mango's "pagoda", this could almost be a companion piece. Very beautiful and moving.

Cory

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I've written some poetry I don't understand myself ~ Carl Sandburg

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Heartafire

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Ballet was all about the
tutu

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Re: Almond
Reply #4 - Aug 1^st, 2010 at 5:57am

Syd, Mango, and Cory,
Thanks so much for reading and commenting on this. Mango, I'm sure it is not a stretch for you to believe that your lovely poem, Pagoda, inspired me to write this little piece about my mother, you are right about that Cory.
I am mulling changing gifted to gave, although I do consider the almond eye a gift each time I look at the picture of my mother.
Thanks to you all again.
Heart

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Cory Raymond Majestic Poet Offline My Tabby Posts: 1569 McAllen Texas Gender: \|	Re: Almond Reply #5 - Aug 1^st, 2010 at 5:59am Hi Sandy, What about "the almond eyes, her gift to me"???
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MAB

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Re: Almond
Reply #6 - Aug 2^nd, 2010 at 5:20pm

"Tears fill
and softly spill,
from the almond
eyes she gifted.

Weeping soft,"

As far as I know, and I'm no grammar genius, after weeping it should be softly because it's describing how you're weeping and thus an adverb is necessary. Anyway, that would kind of conflict with the 'softly spill' alliteration which sounds very nice.. so I might consider another word there.

By the way, this is an absolutely beautiful piece. I love it. All of your works seems to flow in such peace, even if the topics are mournful.

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MAB Ex Member \|	Re: Almond Reply #7 - Aug 2^nd, 2010 at 5:22pm By the way, I like the word gifted there. A gift is something given with purpose, and in this case it's a reminder of her. I love that word there, actually.
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Heartafire Majestic Poet Online Ballet was all about the tutu Posts: 2133 Gender: \|	Re: Almond Reply #8 - Aug 2^nd, 2010 at 10:10pm Hi Mab, Yes, I see agree with what you are saying here and will have to think about it. I'm pretty hung on the last stanza, so I dunno. Good point and appreciate the food for thought. Heart
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rkeane Majestic Poet Offline I Love Poetry! Posts: 1685 Alaska Gender: \|	Re: Almond Reply #9 - Aug 3^rd, 2010 at 11:51am This is gorgeous Sandy, such a tender combination of love, and longing. You can really feel the time muted heart break in the Narrator's voice. Given the "almond eyes" and "obi" references, I'd say your choice of pace and style are well suited to the topic. I love the third stanza. A delicate thing you've constructed here. Rob
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